Crisis it's what you make it

Crisis it's what you make it


*this post did not post last week. I hit save and realized I never hit publish* (FAMREL 160)

First off, there are several types of crisis. Some more severe than others. But when it comes down to it, we need to understand just exactly what IS a crisis? A crisis is a time of intense difficulty, trouble, or danger. When it occurs within a family setting, a crisis often is a situation that demands there is a change in the family system.

How do you know if you're family is experiencing a crisis or a stressor?
Brother Williams, my teacher for Family Relations, told us that the greatest health risk to Astronauts is osteoporosis and muscle atrophy. How is that? NASA makes sure that their astronauts are in good physical condition. But when they go up into space, where there is no gravity, their bones/muscles don't experience any tension or stress, like they normally do here on Earth. See, without stress, we become weak. You can apply that in family settings as well--they are things we experience daily that test us, and keep us (and our family) from becoming weak.

We often work around the stress, until is passed. But a crisis necessitates change in the family structure. When we hear the word crisis, we usually associate it with something negative--which it often is--but we don't associate it to great importance. The stress our bones/muscles experience everyday from gravity keep them from becoming weaker, but they don't play much of a role in making them stronger. In fact, bones are stronger when they've been broken. Equating this to a family crisis, it can strengthen a family when they've made positive adjustments to it. Just like the bone, they become stronger than they were before.

My professor provided us with an equation/formula that helps determine whether the crisis will heal the family and become stronger, or whether the family will drift apart:
ABC=X
A- Actual Event (the divorce, affair, car accident, illness, etc.)
B- Both resources (people around us and their wisdom/experience--also application, how we choose to use it)
C- Cognitions (thought process--the way you're thinking about the experience)
= X- Total EXperience

This equation shows us that while we have no control over the crisis or actual event that happens to our family, we have control over the total experience. There is value in recognizing the A, B, C, because then you know you have a choice in what the event does to your life, how it affects you, and eventually what it was meant for. YOUdecide to use it to better yourself, or take you down.

Finally, a word on coping:
coping is something we use to protect us. People say, oh I'm "coping" but fail to realize it's more than just getting by. Coping is heavily tied to B and C of the equation. It's how you are choosing to deal with the situation. There are negative and positive ways of coping, negative coping in B and C will lead to a negative result in X. That's why it's so important to ensure that you are coping healthily. One thing that my mother has taught me about coping, when you are going through an extremely difficult time is to "forget yourself and focus on others." I always have rolled my eyes when she says to go help someone, when it's me going through a hard time. It's true that if you are using service as an avoidance or denial of the situations, that is nothealthy. Coping is meant to help you deal with, not run away. But the thing I have come to learn is that as people (who are conjunctively working through the difficulties of the crisis) do things to help others, it will fill their own holes. Not because helping others just makes you feel good, or brings you good karma or blessings. But because you come to know that if you can help them, you can help yourself.